Agape in Action

Evaluate a significant experience and its impact on you. (An essay question for the Common Application for admission to university)

Agape in Action

Mechai Viravaidya, a well-known Thai activist, addressed the issue of AIDS with this image: "In your life there will come a fork in the road and both forks lead to flowers. One event for flowers is graduation. The other is the funeral of your child. You decide which road you want to take.” His solution is education. Shockingly, I have actually heard someone else say we should just put everyone with AIDS on an island and wait for the disease to die out. When I hear about AIDS I think about my friends at Agape Home, an orphanage for AIDS children here in Thailand. I don’t have an answer for AIDS, but I do have a heart that’s been changed by my time spent with those who suffer from it.
I became involved with Agape Home in ninth grade. Through a ‘Big Sister” program I was paired with Ganlaya, a girl who shared my birthday, except she was four years younger than me. Over the next two years, our relationship proved to be a difficult yet rewarding experience.
Whenever I went to visit the orphanage, I did not know what to expect. Sometimes we had fun together, playing badminton or jumping on the trampoline. But at other times Ganlaya would be inexplicably hostile and reserved and then suddenly hit me or the other kids. I would have to correct her. She would sulk for a while, and then become playful again. Too often it seemed Ganlaya did not want to spend time with me, and I wondered what made it so hard for us to connect. I spoke Thai, and was trying as best I could. I was unsure of what I was doing wrong; I couldn’t understand her actions.
As the weeks went on, it got harder to return. I grew tired of missing out on Friday evenings with friends, going instead to see this little girl who acted as if she would prefer me not to come at all. One night I was given free tickets to a Korean concert in town, where one of my favourite celebrities would be singing. I was excited to go until I realized the event coincided with my night for Agape Home, and I had to follow through with my previous commitment. I was disappointed to miss the concert, but I knew what I needed to do.
That evening Ganlaya and I played cards together, along with another pair of ‘sisters’. As we were playing, Ganlaya became frustrated at not winning and lashed out at the other little girl. Ganlaya took her cards away and told the girl that she was a cheat and a loser who did not deserve to play with her, and in fact, did not even deserve to be at Agape Home.
I confronted Ganlaya, telling her to think of the hurtful things she had said and asked her to apologize to the little girl, who was close to tears. Ganlaya did so, reluctantly, and then ran off. The other “big sister” looked at me angrily questioning what I had done. She did not speak Thai and did not understand how harsh Ganlaya had been. I went to find Ganlaya but she found me first, hitting me with a stick and shouting at me. Somehow I got her to calm down. We drew pictures until it was time for me to leave. As I was saying goodbye, Ganlaya held on to me and would not let me go. Tearfully she told me she was sorry, and did not want me to leave. I assured her I would be back in two weeks and she released me.
Travelling home that night I was very confused. When I had tried to love Ganlaya, she responded hostilely and aggressively. I realized that even when one tries to do the right thing, the response they get will not necessarily be in the same spirit, or even understood. As I thought more about it, I realized Ganlaya was testing me. Throughout her life she suffered unimaginable hardship, constantly having people she loved leave her. Thai culture embraces Siddhartha Gautama’s explanation that earthly suffering comes from frustrated desires due to an unreliable world. The solution therefore is to detach; if you do not want something then you will not be hurt when you do not have it. Thinking of Ganlaya, it seemed that at the times when things were going best, she would suddenly withdraw, as if she did not want to experience the hurt of wanting something that would not last in this impermanent world. My hope was to convince her that she could not push me away, no matter how hard she tried or how badly she hurt me- I would still love her.
As two years went by, our struggles continued, but our relationship gradually improved, and eventually a strong bond formed. When my family moved away from Thailand, the parting tears my ‘little sister’ and I shared were kind, not bitter. Although I played just a small role in Ganlaya’s life, the challenges and trials of needing to love when it did not seem to be working had a huge impact on me. Agape, the highest form of love, is not simple nor is it easy. Love is faithfully caring no matter what happens. Like the name of her orphanage, Ganlaya helped me to grow by experiencing the value of Agape love.
- Sophie